Not Good Enough
by Frisco
Summary: The team assists in quake relief efforts on another world. Rating is for subject matter. Set between Reunion and Missing so beware of possible spoilers.


"How is the relief effort going, John?" 

Sheppard glanced up from his checklist to find Samantha Carter standing on the open ramp of the jumper. He marked off the last two boxes of blankets before giving her a grim smile. "About like you would expect. The main Eollusian village was completely devastated by the quake. Teyla is helping the three surviving council members establish a command facility while Rodney, Radek and their team are checking the structures for viability. Almost everything is a total loss. The last of the equipment to shore up the unstable buildings is being loaded now." He scrubbed a hand over tired eyes. "We haven't found many survivors so far. Keller and her people are doing what they can for the injured and maimed. It's not pretty."

Sam nodded in understanding. "Is there anything more we can do from here?"

"I don't think so. We've got the supplies and manpower needed for now." He read through the checklist a final time, confirming he had everything except the last medkit.

"Then I'll let you finish up." She hesitated for a moment. "Are you doing OK?"

"I'm good," John replied automatically.

Carter narrowed her eyes at the dark circles and stress lines. "Are you sure?"

Gaze losing focus, Sheppard grimaced at the memory. "One of the buildings that collapsed was a school. Lorne and his team have been pulling bodies out for the past few hours."

"Oh no," she breathed softly.

Shaking his head, the pilot took a deep breath and met her eyes. "The Eollusians have a mourning ritual of sitting outside with the body for a day before burial. Families have huddled in small groups all over the place, standing vigil…." He cleared his throat. "We're doing what we can."

"I won't hold you up any longer. Keep up the six hour check-ins, and I'll see you when you get back."

"Will do, Colonel."

Carter stepped away, murmuring a greeting to Ronon as he entered the jumper. He carefully set the medical kit in the space left for it and joined Sheppard in the front.

"We ready?"

"That's the last item on the list," John answered as he marked it off and dropped the tablet in the chair behind his. "Time to go."

The two men took their seats, and Sheppard powered up the small craft as Dex dialed the gate. Neatly avoiding the crews loading the other jumpers, they dropped through the bay floor into the gateroom, and, with Flight's permission, John maneuvered the ship through the shimmering event horizon.

After a dizzying blink of an eye, they emerged on Eollusia. Smoldering ruins dotted the rolling landscape where tidy cottages had once stood. Small campfires burned in front of the crumbled remains, and mourners were gathered around fallen family members, as many as three or four in some cases, each wrapped lovingly in traditional Eollusian burial cloths of bright blue with elaborate stitching. John swore under his breath as he flew overhead; he had seen enough of those burial cloths, especially the tiny ones, to last him a lifetime.

Landing the jumper in a nearby field, Sheppard and Ronon began distributing supplies to the waiting expedition members. John handed the final box of blankets to one of the nurses and squinted into the mid-afternoon sun, searching for Rodney. Not spotting the frenetic scientist on first glance, he keyed his radio.

"Sheppard to McKay."

"_What?_" Rodney could get to the heart of a matter if he really wanted.

"Where are you?"

"_I'm, um, Radek? Where are we?_"

John could hear the calm tones of the Czech, though he could not quite make out the words.

"_We're on the north side of the village near the council chambers_."

"Ronon and I are on our way." Closing the rear hatch, John nudged his teammate, and they headed toward McKay's location.

"_Did you bring the equipment I needed?_"

"It's on the next jumper. Mine was filled with medical and emergency supplies."

"_Oooo, you didn't happen to bring sandwiches, did you?_"

Sheppard arched a brow at Dex who grinned and patted the pack he was carrying. "Ronon might have brought one."

"_You tell that overgrown Satedan that Radek will be very upset if he eats them all before you get here._"

John snickered as he heard Zelenka's squeak of indignation. "He'll try to restrain himself."

"_Then quit bothering me. I have work to do. No, no, no! I've told you to stop climbing on everything. Would you go away and annoy someone else?_"

"Rodney?"

"_Sorry, not you. Some kid has been hanging around here all day. Every time I turn around he's on something._"

Sheppard's brow furrowed, and his voice dropped. "Play nice, McKay. You don't know what the kid's been through."

"_I know that_," came Rodney's harsh whisper. "_But he won't stay away from one of the condemned buildings. He's going to hurt himself._"

"We'll be right there. Sheppard out."

John picked up the pace as they made their way through the former heart of the town. In a way, it reminded him of the backlot sets of old westerns – one- and two-story wood-frame adjoining buildings that formed a center for commerce and community. On the west side was the schoolhouse that had crumpled at the first tremor. Sheppard risked a glance, relieved to see that Lorne's men had finished their task. The rest of the town looked like a crushed box of matches, support beams snapped like toothpicks, roofs caved in, goods and paper strewn liberally on the ground. Rodney's team had marked the buildings that were structurally unsound, allowing the villagers and Atlantis' military to clear the rest safely. One scientist had estimated the epicenter of the quake to be a few kilometers to the south of the town. The messengers sent to the other settlements reported minimal damage there, and several Eollusians had trekked to the main village to offer assistance.

Spotting Rodney and his team around the next corner, John and Ronon hurried to the site. McKay and Zelenka were in deep conversation about the best way to shore up the flattened edifice in front of them while several Marines carefully removed loose debris from the building next to it. Two others were marked as unstable. A small boy, approximately eight years old, sat in front of the remains of a lone condemned structure several yards away. Solemn green eyes shone out of a dirt smudged face, and his dark hair was matted. Tattered clothing and bare feet completed the picture of a poor, unwanted child in John's estimation, and, after greeting his men, the colonel made his way over to the boy.

Approaching slowly, Sheppard put on his best let's-be-friends smile and sat down next to the grubby child. He pulled the chocolate bar he had brought for Rodney from a vest pocket and leaned back casually, glancing at the youngster from the corner of his eye. After popping a bite of the candy in his mouth, he handed the bar to the boy.

"Want some?"

A small hand snaked out and jerked the chocolate from his grasp. The child stuffed the entire bar in his mouth, chewing as rapidly as possible.

"Hey, slow down a bit. There's more where that came from."

The boy never looked up, focusing his entire attention on the candy. John made his way to Ronon who was distributing sandwiches to the Lantian workers. "Got any more?"

The Satedan smirked a bit and pulled a turkey sandwich from his pack. "Just one."

"Good thing one of the other jumpers is loaded with foodstuffs." Sheppard rolled his eyes as he watched Rodney finish demolishing his first sandwich and start on a second, not missing a beat in his discussion with Radek. "Do you know where Teyla is?"

"Zelenka said she had gone to one of the outlying villages to determine how many refugees they could take. With so few council members left…."

"Got it." John's eyes tracked back to the boy who was now licking the candy wrapper. "Can you find out if someone knows where that kid's family is?"

"Sure."

Ronon headed back to the center of town while Sheppard rejoined his new friend, opening the sandwich casing and handing half to the boy.

"Try this."

White bread was soon dotted with fingerprints as the child made quick work of the sandwich. A bottle of water left muddy rivulets on the boy's face, and Sheppard tried not to smile as he heard his mother's voice in his head ordering him to wash his face and hands.

"My name's John."

"I'm Callen." The child's head tilted to one side as he gazed at Sheppard curiously. "You're not like the other one."

"The other one?"

"The one that yells a lot."

The corner of John's mouth tugged upward. "Oh. That's just Rodney. He's not around kids much. He was concerned you would get hurt if you climbed on the buildings." The boy's eyes flicked to the other half of the sandwich. "Would you like the rest?"

Sheppard swallowed thickly at the enthusiastic head bob he received as he gave the rest of the sandwich to Callen. Years of being stationed in poor countries had provided John the opportunity to observe true hunger up close and personal, and this child had missed more meals than the quake would account for. Yet nothing about the Eollusians reflected poverty. On the contrary, the planting fields were practically overflowing, the orchards were heavy with fruit, and by all reports, trade had been plentiful until the quake the previous day.

As the boy scarfed the rest of sandwich, John wondered why a close-knit society like the Eollusians had allowed this child to go hungry. A crunch of debris announced Ronon's return, and Callen stared wide-eyed for a moment before scampering away.

Sheppard watched him go and then turned to Dex. "What did you find out?"

"No one is missing a kid."

"Well, he's not a mismatched sock. He has to belong to somebody."

"One woman suggested he might be a child of an outcast."

"What does that mean?"

"If the Eollusians didn't approve of something about the kid's mother, she would be shunned. If she was considered an outcast, as her blood kin he would be too. And the label is permanent. Neither can regain their place in society."

The pilot snorted in derision. "That's ridiculous."

"I know, but it's their way."

Not passing judgment on other cultures was a skill John was still struggling to acquire. Biting down on the indignation rising in his chest, he scanned the area unsuccessfully for a sign of the boy. "Do we know where the outcasts live?"

"They don't all live together if that's what you mean."

"So she could be anywhere."

"Sorry."

Sheppard rubbed the back of his neck in irritation. "Not your fault."

"He'll come back when he gets hungry."

John glanced up into the knowing eyes of the former runner. "Yeah, you're probably right." Sighing unhappily, he turned toward McKay and Zelenka. "Let's get to work."

OoOoOoOoO

Callen appeared early the next morning, in time for breakfast, and darted away afterward only to reappear for the next meal, sitting in the same spot in front of the same demolished building. Over the course of the day, he inched closer, observing the Lantians, especially Sheppard, carefully reinforce the structure of the council chamber and slowly remove the debris and bodies.

By the end of the second day, the child had become John's shadow, imitating his walk and mannerisms to the amusement of the Marines and Ronon. McKay simply harrumphed in disgust and went back to work. The colonel was both flattered and saddened; Callen was starved for more than food. Occasionally the boy would disappear into the woods that marked the northern edge of town, usually when Sheppard grew too busy to pay him constant attention.

Many Eollusians came to the worksite with questions or expressions of gratitude. However, none of them claimed knowledge of Callen or his family. The times the child was present, the villagers averted their eyes and shook their heads. Their denials and Callen's lack of reaction to them made John so angry he stopped asking.

Relief efforts were hampered by a rain that fell steadily throughout most of Day Three. The pilot took the opportunity to wash some of the dirt from the boy and dress him in a clean outfit Teyla found. Regular meals and human affection brought a new brightness to Callen's eyes, and an insult fest between McKay and Sheppard coaxed a genuine giggle from him. As evening arrived and the sky cleared, the colonel introduced the young Eollusian to the great game of football. Concern for his wellbeing after they left gnawed at John, and he began to mentally rehearse arguments with Carter about the boy's future.

The morning of the fourth day dawned hot and bright, and hours of backbreaking work in the heat exhausted everyone. Sheppard sprawled underneath a nearby tree, greedily inhaling a bottle of water as Rodney and Radek made some last minute adjustments in their plan to stabilize the final building.

"The sun is going to set in an hour or so. We might as well wait until in the morning."

McKay glared at John. "Your part can wait until tomorrow, but we need to finish this tonight. This is the last structure to do, and I, for one, am ready to go home to a decent meal, a hot bath, and my own bed."

"Any idea why that building is separated from the others?"

"It was supposedly some kind of storage facility," Zelenka offered before wandering toward the food table.

Rodney glanced toward the fallen building. "Oh, for God's sake. Why is Mini Me climbing on it again? He hasn't done that since you showed up."

The pilot followed McKay's gaze to find Callen steadily making his way to the top of the rubble.

"Oh, no." Sheppard leapt to his feet and hurried toward the building remains, Rodney not far behind.

Stopping a few feet from the structure, John assumed a nonchalant stance. "Hey, Buddy. What are you doing?"

The boy hesitated, turning to look at Sheppard. "Nothing." He took a few more shaky steps and sat down.

"Why don't you come down?"

"I like it up here. It's not quite as high as the window in my room, but I can still see the entire town."

"You know, we're going to start working on that building tomorrow."

Callen leaned forward, hope shining from his eyes. "Really?"

"Really, Champ." Gentling his voice as much as he could, he added, "It will be dark soon. I bet we can be first in line for dinner if we go now."

The small face scrunched in thought. "OK." Standing, he reached for the broken support beam for balance and took a tentative step forward.

John felt every muscle in his body tense as the boy moved again, the crumpled building no more than a haphazard pile of wood, reminding Sheppard of Lincoln Logs freshly dumped from the bin.

McKay hissed as the wreckage shook with the child's next step. "The reason it's taken us so long to design a recovery plan for this building is because of the shoddy materials and poor construction." Rodney paused as struts shifted and debris began to sprinkle down. "One wrong move and the entire structure will go."

"What can we do?" Sheppard's eyes were glued to Callen as he continued a slow descent.

"Nothing. That's what I'm saying. Radek and I could only determine one way to stabilize it so it could be cleared, and we certainly can't begin with him up there."

"What about-"

A loud crack sounded, and one of the boy's legs dropped through a hole in the rubble. Callen wrapped both arms around a timber and wriggled for all he was worth to get free, causing several beams to shake and debris to rain down in earnest.

"Make him stop, Sheppard!"

John got as near as he could while still being able to see the child. "Callen! You have to stop moving. Be very still."

The wind carried a faint voice down to him. "I'm stuck!"

"I know. Hang on tight, and don't move. We'll get you out of there." Sheppard turned back to the physicist. "There has to be something we can do."

"If the Daedalus were here we could beam him out, but it's not. Gusts from the jumper will bring the building down too so hovering over it is not an option. And I seem to have left my magic wand in my other jacket."

"McKay!"

"Well, what do you want me to say? I've already told you – one way."

"Will any of the shoring equipment help?"

"Not only will it take hours to sufficiently brace the building, any work we do on it could potentially cause a collapse."

Staring transfixed at the boy, John's heart raced as his mind whirled, searching for a solution. Thinking outside the box was his specialty, and he knew there had to be a way, but he was completely blank. "Dammit, Rodney! I can't stand here and watch him fall. Give me something."

"I can't give you what I don't have. We've worked on this plan for days. That building was three floors plus a basement. I don't know why it hasn't totally caved before now."

"What happens if I climb up after him?"

"You can't possibly believe that will hold your weight."

"What about Teyla?"

"First of all, she's at one of the other villages, but, no, it wouldn't hold her either."

"I can't hold on much longer!" Callen cried. "Help me!"

Sheppard stepped forward and reached for a support beam only to find his bicep caught in Rodney's grip.

"You are going to get yourself killed."

"Way to think positive, McKay."

"Listen to me, John. This pile of rubble is not going to hold you. I know what I'm talking about."

"I know you do, Rodney. But I can't sit back and do nothing."

A dark shadow crossed McKay's face, and he looked away, jaw clenched, before nodding. Releasing Sheppard's arm, he moved back.

As he pulled himself up, John heard Ronon's low rumble and Rodney's call to Keller. The colonel took a moment to be grateful for the concern of friends and then blocked them from his mind. Using every sense, he began to scale the shattered walls, taking great care as he tested each hold. He felt the vibration of shifting wood in his fingertips as he paused for every creak and groan. He could taste the wafting dust on his tongue, and the stench of decomposition filled his nostrils. Blinking away sweat, he kept his eyes focused on the beams in front of him, depending on his pilot's sense of direction to lead him to the boy.

"Help! I'm going to fall!"

"I'm coming, Callen. Just hang on a little longer."

"I can't," the boy sobbed. "Please help me."

The tremor started to Sheppard's right, and large chunks of debris loosened and fell. He could hear his people shouting to him but could not spare any concentration to make out their words. Pushing himself up enough to spot the child, he discovered that he was still a few feet from him. The beams at his eye level swayed dangerously, and John tightened his grip to take another step. Through the splintered shell, he could see Callen's leg, dangling at first and then frenziedly kicking.

"I'm falling!"

Knowing he was far short of reaching Callen, Sheppard scrabbled forward as the building shuddered. The pilot hit a soft spot and felt his knee puncture the thin siding. The structure bucked violently, and John caught a glimpse of the boy's terrified face as the hole opened wide and swallowed him.

Screaming in horror, Sheppard stared into the rubble, finding only darkness. Then, with a final groan, the abused construct gave way. John had a fleeting sense of falling, feeling a knee then a shoulder hit something hard. Landing on his right side with a crunch stole the breath from his body, and he lay gasping as debris showered around him. He curled into a fetal position, wrapping his arms around his head and neck while bits of rubble pounded his torso and legs, and when a particularly large piece impacted his left arm and temple, his world went black.

OoOoOoOoO

Shouts penetrated his consciousness followed closely by spikes of pain from his head and side. John opened bleary eyes to find wood particles and pieces of thatch still spilling from somewhere above. Groaning, he tried to sit up but quickly gave up when his shoulder and ribs screamed their displeasure. Shafts of sunlight illumined his surroundings, and Sheppard squeezed his eyes shut as vertigo took over momentarily. After the spinning stopped and the mental cobwebs cleared, his memory returned with a vengeance.

"Callen? Can you hear me?"

A moan so faint as to be almost nonexistent reached his straining ears.

"Don't move, Buddy. Help is coming."

Gritting his teeth, John eased upright, taking stock of his injuries as he went. The ribs on his right side were definitely broken as was his left arm. A warm stickiness oozed down his face, and judging by the throbbing in his knee, he would not be independently mobile for a while. The relief at realizing his shoulder was not dislocated was offset by the growing concern for the unfamiliar tightness in his chest and abdomen.

Flickers of the waning sun prodded him to hurry, and the colonel glanced around, spotting a crumpled form no more than three feet away. Sheppard tested the sturdiness of his landing area, relieved to find it solid and unmoving. He dragged himself gingerly toward the boy, panting in exertion and pain. Reaching the small body, he placed a gentle hand on the child's chest, relieved to sense the slight rise and fall.

Increasingly frantic shouts grabbed his attention, and although the words were indistinguishable, the emotion was not.

John inhaled as deeply as his battered torso would allow, coughing a bit at first. Taking another breath, he yelled back. "I'm here, Rodney!"

"Sheppard?"

"Ronon! I've got the boy! Get us out of here!"

More indecipherable words followed as McKay's strident tones battled with Zelenka's accented ones.

"Hang on, Sheppard! We're coming!"

After brushing some of the dirt and dust from Callen's face, John slowly lowered himself to the ground. "Hear that? Ronon says they're coming. I know he seems big and scary, but you can depend on him to do what he says. Rodney too. You wouldn't know it to look at them, but they actually have more in common than just a love of food. For one thing, they are extremely stubborn, and when either of them makes his mind up to do something, he does it. I don't know how Teyla puts up with us sometimes." He chuckled at the thought. "You'll like Teyla. She's been so busy helping your leaders that she hasn't really been around much. She's one of the gentlest people you will ever meet, but she isn't weak. She can make Ronon back down."

Checking the boy again, Sheppard was gratified to find him still breathing. "Don't give up, kid. My team is the best there is. They'll get us out of here." John struggled to stay awake as his lids grew heavier. Pushing himself upright again, he gagged as the ache in his chest increased. Holding still until the reflex passed, he silently encouraged his people to hurry before turning his attention back to Callen.

"You never told me about your mom, but I'm guessing that maybe you and she lived here. Tough life for you, Champ. What do you think about coming with me when we get out? I'm not sure Col. Carter will let you stay on Atlantis, but the Athosians, Teyla's people, are terrific. You can live with them in cool tents on a world safe from the Wraith, and you'll always have plenty to eat. Teyla visits all the time, and I can tag along with her."

Keeping a hand on the boy's chest, Sheppard continued his monologue, covering flying, ferris wheels, college football, Star Wars, and ice cream. He told of breaking his arm when he was five and fell from the backyard tree, of flying in his dad's company jet when he was seven and knowing then what he wanted to do for the rest of his life, of kissing the girl next door when he was ten, of buying his first car when he was seventeen, of flying a jet at twenty-five, of sitting in an unusual chair in a frozen land when he was thirty-five.

"You should have seen Rodney's face when the solar system lit up above us. He looked like he'd swallowed a lemon which is all kinds of ironic since he thinks he's allergic to them. I don't know if you've ever left your world, but there's so much out there, more than I ever thought possible. The first time I went through a wormhole…. Well, I never considered anything could be more of a rush than flying an F-15 at Mach 2.5, but that was before gate travel and puddle jumpers. Hell, I flew _Atlantis_ once. In hyperspace."

John's throat was dry from the constant talking and the dust that saturated the air, and he could feel the cough building, fighting in vain to keep it at bay. The resulting agony that shot through his chest caused him to double over, and he felt tears leak from the corner of his eyes. Attempting to ease his discomfort, he lay back down, smiling as the sounds of construction reached his ears.

"Can you hear them, Callen? They're coming, just like I said they would," he slurred. "They'll be here before you know it."

A bright light lit the space, and Sheppard jerked awake, cursing himself for falling asleep. He sat up carefully, squinting in the direction of the illumination but seeing nothing except shadows.

"John? Can you hear me?"

"I hear you, Teyla. Are you almost in?"

"Not yet. The structure continues to shift even as we brace it. How are you doing?"

The need to deflect attention conflicted with the knowledge of Teyla's reaction if he lied to her. "Been better. Busted my arm and some ribs. But the kid is the one that really needs help."

"We're coming, Sheppard," Ronon called. "McKay says another hour or two."

"I don't suppose you have an extra bottle of water, do you?"

"Yes," Teyla answered, "but we have no way of getting it to you. Rodney does not wish to risk tossing objects into an unstable environment."

"That's because Rodney can't throw to save his life. Find Lorne."

"I'm here, Sir."

"Is Driscoll close by?"

"Yes, Sir. Why?"

"He quarterbacked at Boise State. I have an unobstructed view of the light so he should be able to see me. Have him toss me a couple bottles of water."

"Yes, Sir."

Minutes later, two bottles of Evian sailed through the air to land at John's side. "Lorne, tell Driscoll that he gets an extra day of R&R."

He could hear the smile in Evan's voice. "Yes, Sir."

John luxuriated in the feel of the cool liquid sliding down the back of his parched throat. Splashing a bit of the water on Callen's face, the pilot wiped away the dirt and blood before easing the boy's head onto his knee. Sheppard held the bottle to the child's lips, tipping it slightly. He spluttered at first but swallowed a couple of sips. Eyes fluttering open, he gazed at John in confusion.

"What happened?"

"We fell."

"Is my mother here?"

Smoothing the boy's hair, Sheppard kept his face neutral. "I haven't seen her. My people are trying to dig us out. How are you feeling?"

"Sleepy."

John bit his lip in consternation. "Do you hurt anywhere?"

Callen's lids began to droop. "No. Nothing hurts."

The colonel took a good look at the boy – leg twisted at an unnatural angle, an eighteen inch stick of wood protruding from his shoulder, cuts and bruises mottling his face and arms. Tracing a hand along the boy's ribcage, Sheppard grimaced as the bones gave way under his touch, and when he noticed how rigid Callen's belly was, his heart sank. "That's good to hear. We'll be out of here before you know it. Why don't you close your eyes and get some sleep."

"OK."

He pulled Callen onto his lap, gently rocking him. The boy's breathing evened out in sleep and then began to slow until he shuddered a final time and stilled.

OoOoOoOoO

"John? Can you hear me?"

The mental fog blanketing him began to dissipate, and a figure slowly came into focus. His Athosian teammate knelt in front of him staring worriedly, her hand on the arm that was still wrapped around Callen. Movement behind her caught his attention as Keller and Ronon appeared.

The doctor crouched next to Teyla, scanner in hand, and as she assessed Sheppard's injuries Dex helped guide the shoring equipment and braces into the room.

"Col. Sheppard," the doctor began, "you have internal damage. I'm going to have a stretcher brought in so we can get you back to Atlantis."

"No."

"I'm sorry?"

"I'm not going back yet."

"I can't treat you here. My preliminary scan shows you need surgery."

"He didn't have any family. He needs…um…." The numbness that had surrounded and filled John made concentrating difficult. "He needs a… one of the blue cloths. Teyla, can you find one?"

"I will take care of everything. Please allow Jennifer to help you."

"No. This is my responsibility. I'll do it. I just need something to bury him in."

Compassion filled Teyla's face. "Will you let me take him for now so that we can move you outside?"

Sheppard studied her for a minute then nodded, watching as she tenderly gathered the child in her arms and carried him through the opening. Lorne handed one end of a litter to Ronon and followed it inside. The two men lay the stretcher on the ground and, with Keller's help, eased the colonel onto it.

John's head swam as he was lifted and moved, the pain in his chest washing away any lingering numbness. The cool night air caressed his face as they exited the rubble, but any relief he felt vanished when he spotted Rodney having an animated discussion with two Eollusian women as Teyla sat holding Callen. A white hot anger that he rarely felt erupted and rushed through his veins like molten lava.

"Get away from him!" Sheppard shouted. "You didn't want him before. You sure as hell can't have him now."

The Eollusians looked at him in alarm, said a quiet word to Teyla, and scurried away.

"Col. Sheppard, you need to let me treat you," Jennifer persisted. "At least let me bandage that head wound and splint your arm."

"I said no. No one here gives a damn about that kid but me. I'm going to make sure he has a proper Eollusian funeral. Whatever is wrong with me can wait."

"But Colonel-"

John stared daggers at the doctor until she walked away, a determined set to her chin.

"Take me to where Teyla is," he barked at Evan.

"Sir?"

"Sheppard, you need-"

"Stop arguing with me, and do it," he snapped. "Now."

Lorne and Dex obeyed, settling him next to the Athosian. Sheppard pushed himself into a seated position and took Callen from her, catching the glance she exchanged with Rodney. The rage John had been trying to contain spilled over at the sight of the scientist's crossed arms and flashing blue eyes.

"Not one word from you," Sheppard snarled. "I know you told me the building would collapse if I climbed up there, and I did it anyway. Congratulations; you were right as usual. I freely admit it so you can save your self-righteous tirade. I don't know why the hell you're here anyway." His voice rose as he lashed out, ignoring the Canadian's slack-jawed expression. "It's not like you cared. He was just a kid - some dirty, smelly rugrat whose very existence annoyed you. Well, guess what, Genius. He won't be in your way any more. Bet that just makes your day."

McKay recoiled as if slapped. "Is that what you really think of me? That I-"

"Rodney, he does not know what he is saying," Teyla interrupted. "John, I think you have misinterpreted-"

"And where were you when I needed you? Off traipsing around the countryside?"

"Sheppard-" Ronon began.

"And you! We were trapped in there for hours. Why couldn't you get to us faster?" John neither acknowledged nor hid the tears that welled and slid slowly down his face. "I told him…. I promised…. If he had just held on long enough for you to get there, for me to reach him. I should have paid more attention to what he was doing. I should have realized why he stayed so close to that particular building. Why didn't I take him away from here before he got himself killed?"

"This is not your fault." Teyla's touch burned when she laid a hand on his arm, and he jerked away from her.

"Then tell me whose fault it is," Sheppard demanded. "I was the only person on this godforsaken planet that cared about him. He was just a little kid." He trailed off, clenching his eyes shut against the image of Callen falling that replayed constantly in his mind.

"John-"

"Go away. Just go away, and leave me alone."

"Teyla, why don't you see if you can locate that burial cloth he wanted?" McKay's voice was surprisingly calm. "Ronon-"

"I'll get some firewood."

Sheppard rested his cheek on top of the boy's head, relieved to hear the retreating footsteps. As the rage began to cool, he knew how irrational he had sounded and hoped his teammates would forgive him one day. Adrenaline and the initial shock of grief began to fade, and as his body relaxed, his injuries reintroduced themselves, fire racing along damaged nerve endings. Opening his eyes with a gasp, he was startled to find McKay sitting next to him, head tilted back as he gazed at the stars.

"You know what I see when I close my eyes most nights? Elizabeth running out the back of the jumper, telling me to stay there. That's the last thing she ever said to me. 'Stay here.' And I did. I just sat there and watched her leave, didn't try to stop her. I did that. I condemned her to life as a replicator, if she's even alive."

"Rodney-"

"Do you think she's out there somewhere?

Ignoring his body's complaints, the pilot sighed wearily. "Ask me any other time, and I'll say yes, but right now I just don't know."

"If I had only listened…. But I couldn't sit there and watch her die. I had to try, like you had to climb on top of that building. The bizarre thing is, even knowing what I know now, I'd do it again because I would rather give her a chance to live than do nothing. I realize the situation is different and that I risked more than just my life, but the sentiment is the same." McKay's steady gaze moved to meet John's. "You did your best to save his life."

"Guess my best wasn't good enough." He could taste the bitterness in the words.

"I know the feeling." Rodney's eyes returned to the sky. "I have spent the majority of the past few months reliving that day, trying to think of a way I could save all of us, but every scenario ends badly."

"You aren't God, McKay."

"Neither are you, Sheppard."

"What did those women want?"

"Nothing important." The scientist stood and dusted his pants as Ronon returned with the wood.

"They wanted to take Callen to the outcast burial area." Teyla spread the blue fabric on the ground next to John and smoothed it. "Rodney refused to let them."

Studiously ignoring Sheppard's surprised glance, McKay hovered over the Athosian as she made a fire while Ronon wrapped the child expertly in the burial cloth with a gentleness and grace that made John wonder how many times the Satedan had performed a similar act. Once they were finished, his team settled around him in silence. Sheppard closed his eyes as he absorbed the sounds of the night around them – the rustle of leaves, the chirping of insects, the crackle of the fire, the distant murmur of voices.

Shifting uncomfortably as his chest tightened, he could not hold in a moan when agony danced along his arm and knee. His breathing hitched, and his body shuddered as he fought a losing battle to stay upright. Teyla's hand landed lightly on his back, helping him to lie down.

"John, I know you wish to watch over Callen, but your condition is worsening. Please allow me-"

"Us," interjected McKay.

"-us to do so in your place."

"You'd stay for the whole time? All of you?"

"All of us," she replied as she leaned in close. "We are your family, remember?"

"I remember," he whispered.

Ronon knelt next to him. "No one will come near the boy; you have my promise. You're in bad shape, Sheppard. Let Keller help you."

"You dying won't solve anything," Rodney added. "Please."

He wavered, wanting to honor a child who had deserved so much more than what his world had given him, but the haunted eyes of his teammates made his decision easy. Refusing to add to their burden, the pilot nodded mutely, allowing Ronon and McKay to put him on the stretcher. They found Keller pacing in front of an active stargate.

"Colonel Carter, if you order him-"

"Sheppard is ready to go home," Dex interrupted. "Take good care of him, Doc."

She wheeled in surprise, her face reflecting her agitation. "Never mind, ma'am. He's here."

John grasped the Satedan's wrist before they parted. "You promised. Don't forget."

Ronon returned the grip. "I won't. We'll see you when we get back."

"Try not to get in any more trouble, Sheppard."

"Try not to piss off the natives, McKay," John retorted with a slight grin.

A wave of dizziness washed over him as the two Marines guarding the gate bore the litter through to Atlantis. He could hear Keller giving orders although her voice grew faint. Lids drooping, he blinked as she tapped his cheek.

"Stay with me, Colonel. We're almost there."

But no matter how hard he tried, his eyes would not stay open. The noise around him increased as did the movement, but he was too exhausted to make sense of it. He felt his heart stutter and his lungs struggle to expand as a cold darkness snaked its way through his limbs and into his chest. When its icy tentacles reached his mind, he surrendered to it.

OoOoOoOoO

The distinctive sterile odor of the infirmary was the first thing that registered in John's cloudy brain. He floated through the various layers of consciousness, gradually becoming aware of his surroundings – the beeping of monitors, the feel of a soft bed, the hated aftertaste of intubation plastic. Cracking his eyelids open, he found dim lights haloing the red hair of the nightshift attending, Caitlyn Donnelly.

"Oh, Colonel, I'm sorry to wake you." She typed a note in his chart as she checked another monitor. Putting down the tablet, she offered him a sip of water, holding the straw for him.

"How long?" he rasped.

"A week."

Sheppard's eyes rounded at the news. "Really?"

"Really. You were quite a mess when you got here. It took Dr. Keller three surgeries to put you all back together. You've been awake off and on for the past couple of days, though I doubt you remember it."

"I think I owe her an apology."

A brow quirked at him. "Well, you'll get that opportunity when her shift starts in a few hours. Now, get some rest."

Pulling a syringe from her pocket, she injected the contents into one of his IVs. The warmth of the really good drugs cocooned him, and he slid into a restful sleep.

OoOoOoOoO

Sheppard woke the next day to an exotic scent that he identified with Teyla. He opened an eye and located the Athosian sitting quietly at his side reading a romance novel.

"You know that stuff will rot your brain."

A smile slowly formed, but she did not look up. "Then one day I shall fit in with my teammates."

"Ouch. Someone's been spending too much time around Rodney."

She giggled as she set the book aside. "How are you feeling today?"

"Alive. Sort of." He glanced around but found only med techs and empty beds.

"Rodney and Ronon should return in a few minutes. They went to get some lunch."

"It may be a few hours with those two."

Footsteps signaled the approach of Dr. Keller. "It's good to see you awake again, Colonel. Teyla, could you give us a moment?"

"Of course."

The physician pulled the privacy curtain to examine John's incision and change the bandage. Then she listened to his heart and lungs, checked the pulse in his broken arm and injured leg, and raised the head of the bed while giving him a run-down of his injuries.

"A rib punctured one of your lungs as we were bringing you home. The internal damage has been repaired, and your ribs are healing nicely. Your shoulder has a deep muscle bruise, and I had to put a pin in your forearm so be prepared to set off metal detectors in airports from now on. Your kneecap was also broken which means no dancing for you for a while. You'll need to be here for a few more days and then spend some quality time in physical therapy. Any questions?"

"No," he answered meekly, trying not to stare at her bloodshot eyes or the dark smudges underneath.

She snapped off her gloves and tucked her stethoscope around her neck. "In that case-"

"Doc, I want to apologize for the way I acted on Eollusia."

Jennifer hesitated at the curtain opening and then returned, sitting on the stool next to his bed. "I'm not your enemy, you know."

"I know. Don't think I don't appreciate what you do. I know you were trying to help me; I wasn't thinking very clearly at the time."

"Grief makes us do strange things sometimes." She pushed the stool away and patted his good shoulder. "Don't give it another thought."

"Thanks, Doc."

Keller gave him a tired but genuine smile as she opened the curtain. "You're welcome, Colonel."

"I see Sleeping Beauty is finally awake."

The doctor chuckled as she passed his team. "Thirty minutes, McKay."

"That's not fair. It'll take longer than that for me to finish lunch."

"Thirty minutes." Her voice echoed as she rounded the corner.

Rodney plopped his tray on the foot of Sheppard's bed as the group pulled up chairs. Ronon snagged a sandwich from McKay's plate, and Teyla swiped an apple and a bag of chips.

"You know, you two could get your own lunch instead of eating mine." The irritable tone did not reach the scientist's eyes, and he casually slid another sandwich toward the Satedan.

Ronon snorted. "Why? You brought enough for all of us."

"I can't afford for my blood sugar to get low. Too many things to do"

John listened to his team bicker fondly as they ate, the comfort and familiarity of it a balm to a soul that had grown ragged over the past several months. The conversation slowly trickled down, and when he looked up, he found three pairs of eyes on him.

"You OK, Sheppard?" Ronon asked.

"Yeah." He bit his lip in an attempt to think of the proper way to broach the subject of Callen. "So, uh, what happened after I left?"

The three exchanged glances, and Teyla spoke up. "Rodney and Ronon returned to the site once you had been sent through and Lorne's team secured the gate. We followed the customary Eollusian mourning ritual of sitting with him for a day. Then we found a proper burial place."

"Where?"

Teyla's mouth tipped upward, and Ronon smirked as they turned to McKay.

"What?" the scientist asked. "I thought it was a good spot."

"What did you guys do?"

"Dr. McKay thought it would be fitting to bury him in a place of prominence…."

"…in front of the council chambers," Ronon finished.

"Won't they just… move him?"

"Not unless they want to break through a meter of concrete."

"What?"

"Rodney created a vault," Teyla supplied.

"With a marker that's carved into the cornerstone of the council building," Dex added.

"How did the council take that?"

McKay shrugged a shoulder. "I knew there was something I forgot to ask."

"They were… surprised, but they were not given another option." Her words had bite to them, and John could well imagine exactly how that conversation had gone.

"We recorded the service in case, you know, maybe later you would like to see it." Rodney's hands waved vaguely.

"Thank you, all of you, for what you did." Sheppard looked away, swallowing the lump in his throat. "I know I said some things…."

"When you were delirious?" Teyla inquired.

John frowned. "Delirious?"

"When we first pulled you from the building. You were obviously delirious." The Athosian kept a perfectly straight face as did the other two.

They were going to let him off easy. He really did have the best team in the universe.

"Yes, when I was delirious I may have said a few things I didn't mean. I'm very sorry."

"Do not concern yourself with it, John."

"Besides, nobody listens to you anyway."

"I know I don't," Ronon said with a grin.

Teyla's infectious laugh quickly spread to the others. Sheppard had forgotten the last time he had actually laughed, had forgotten how good it felt even with his injuries. The noise soon drew Keller from her office.

"OK, boys and girls. Your thirty minutes are up. Time to let the colonel get some rest."

John wanted to protest, but a jaw-cracking yawn prevented it. "I'll see you guys later."

The infirmary doors slid shut to the sounds of Rodney and Ronon arguing over who would take the tray back to the mess hall. Relaxing into the soft bed, Sheppard let gravity tug his eyelids closed. He would watch that video one day, when he was ready, but for now the image he would keep was one of a rainy day when muddy soldiers showed a kid with a bright smile how to play football.

The End.

* * *

_A/N: Written for chokolaj on sheppardhc for the Secret Santa challenge. Her prompt is below. Merry Christmas to you all!_

_Prompt: I would like to see Sheppard do something out of desperation to save another life only to fail. Then he loses his temper and just falls apart in front of his team, not allowing them or anyone else to treat him until his team talks him down. However, I'd really like to see a good characterization of Sheppard that stays pretty canon to the character._


End file.
